Gateway tech support

I am coming out of Blogger retirement to share this with the Internet. The following is an actual transcript of an online chat with Gateway technical support for a call about a new Gateway monitor with on-screen static. I have edited only the names. I will let you draw your own conclusions about their efficacy:

GATEWAY: Thank you for contacting technical support. My name and badge number are [edited out]. Please hold while I review your issue.

GATEWAY: Hi. According to your submission and my data, the serial number for your Gateway system is [SN] and the limited warranty expiration date is 11/6/2009. Is this correct?

ME: The serial number is correct. I don't know when the limited wty expires.

GATEWAY: Thank you for verifying your information.

GATEWAY: You mentioned that your monitor have a static and shimmers. Is this correct?

ME: Yes

GATEWAY: Can you tell me exactly when this started and describe any changes you made around that time?

ME: This started this morning. There were no changes made last night that I know of. The video driver was not updated.

GATEWAY: What troubleshooting steps have you already tried?

ME: I have turned the monitor off and on again. I have plugged the monitor into another computer to make sure the problem wasn't in the video card. The same issue presents itself with the other computer. I have tried lowering the resolution setting. Nothing had any effect.

GATEWAY: Can you please provide your computer model.

ME: It's a Dell inspiron 530

GATEWAY: Is that the model of your monitor?

ME: No, that's the model of the computer. You asked for the computer model.

GATEWAY: Can you please verify.

ME: Verify what?

GATEWAY: The computer model.

ME: The computer is a Dell inspiron 530. The monitor is a Gateway.

GATEWAY: Can you please verify the serial number of your monitor.

ME: I did that already. [SN]. It's on the back.

GATEWAY: Okay.

GATEWAY: I suggest that you need to reseat your video card or reinstall the driver.

ME: It's not the video card. Like I told you, I plugged the monitor into another computer and the same problem presented.

GATEWAY: Please hold.

GATEWAY: Thank you for holding.

GATEWAY: It seems that we need to service repair your monitor.

ME: So I need to take it back to the retail store. I've had it for less than 2 weeks.

GATEWAY: Yes you can replace it.

GATEWAY: They will replace your monitor. [No they won't; it's discontinued]

ME: Is this a common problem with the model I purchased?

GATEWAY: No

GATEWAY: Is there any other concern that I can assist you with?

ME: No

GATEWAY: It was a pleasure working with you. My name and badge number are G[edited out]. Thank you for using Gateway Remote Assistance and have a great day.