Say what?

After months listening to people talk who sounded like Boomhauer on King of the Hill, I started thinking either the whole world mumbes when they talk or else I've got a hearing problem. So I called around and the University of Houston has a Speech and Hearing Clinic. Normally the fee for a hearing test with them is $200, but since I am currently UNEMPLOYED while studying for the bar exam, I qualified for the indigents' discount.

Now the last time I remember having a hearing test was probably somewhere around 1977. We put on headphones and the school nurse asked us to raise our hands when we heard the tone. That's pretty much what I expected this time. I have absolutely no medical training or knowledge, here is my best attempt at telling you what happened next:

When I got there, the doctor had me sit by a big machine. It had small tubes and wires coming out one side. The doctor attached rubber bulbs to the ends of the tubes and then stuck them in my ears. Then she hit a button, and I could feel the bulbs filling with air. Then I heard a few tones being played. The doctor explained that she was monitoring my eardrums' vibrations in response to the tones and also measuring the physical characteristics of my inner ear. I thought about the eye doctors: "You're going to feel a tiny puff of air..." Pfft! "Ow!" A printout from the computer showed some incomprehensible charts and numbers that she looked over and said "Mm-hmm."

Then she put me in a sound booth and hooked up some mini-headphones to my ears. She gave me a small plastic dealy with a button and told me to press it when I heard a discernable tone. OK. Alternating high and low pitches, each ear. Then she played a recording of a man's voice saying "Say the word ____" followed by different words. I was supposed to repeat the words. I did pretty well; I missed two in one ear and one in the other.

At the end of it all she said I was well within the normal range in both ears, but my right ear doesn't hear higher registers quite as well as my left. I was pretty happy to learn I don't show signs of hearing loss. You know what that means, though? All of you do mumble! :-P