Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Dear Pastor Tony,

Thank you for the copy of Alamo Christian Ministries World Newsletter your followers so kindly left on my windshield the other day.  Alas, the cares of life prevented me from reading it until yesterday.  I don't feel too guilty, though, as the cover date of your newsletter, April--June 2003, indicate your people have the same problem.  Say, and I was impressed with the longevity of your publication.  This issue is Volume 05700.  If you publish quarterly, as the date on your newsletter indicates, you've been doing this since A.D. 578.  Figuring any newsletter that's been around since the glory days of Byzantium is worth a read, I sat down with it last night.

That's a great picture of you with Sonny Bono sporting your Tony Alamo designer denim jacket.   You're a "World Pastor" and a designer?  That's talent.  And I also love the photo of your distributor in Ghana--the caption says his name is Brother B.S.  But your article about "Evil One-World Government Agents Are Claiming to be United States Agents" is what really got my attention.  I became alarmed as I read:  "The war between the Jews and Arabs is also created by the Roman Catholic Antichrist and his puppet goons.  The Jews and Arabs can live very peacefully together, but the Vatican wants their Pope, the one who is creating all the wars, to look like he's the one who will bring about peace.  * * * The Pope is the very Antichrist."

Man... so all that business about occupied Palestine and the suicide bombers, all the deaths since the founding of modern Israel  in 1948. . . that was orchestrated by the Pope so he can make a takeover bid?  Who'd a thunk it?  Does Mel Gibson know about this?  Do you think the Americans can "take" the Swiss Guard if we have to?  I mean, they have much cooler uniforms.

I feel as though I should purchase one of your designer jackets as a way of helping spread the message.  Tell me, do any of them come with extra-long sleeves that can be tied in the back?

Sincerely, & etc.


At 6:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HA HA! I laughed ALL THE WAY THROUGH this one, starting from the first sentence! PRICELESS! I might print it out, send it to you for signature, (or in this context, autograph) frame it, and hang it in my living room! I am sharing this! This was the best yet!

At 11:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was hilarious!

This would never happen since Mel's such a devout Catholic, but wouldn't it be funny to see a Mel Gibson exclusive documentary:

The Pope: Friend or Foe?

Maybe they could get Michael Chiklis to star as the Pope. He's already bald.


At 9:20 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Can I start sending you all of the liberal stuff I want to tear apart and have you do it for me?


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